Even if you’ve only visited Walt Disney World one time, you were bound to notice a huge variety of people there from all over the world.  Most, like you (I’m sure if you’re reading this, you’re the best sort of person), appreciate the charm, magic, joy, and yes, even challenges, of being on a Disney vacation.  These folks, regardless of their country of origin, are courteous and friendly – fun to strike up a conversation with while waiting in line!  I love meeting new people and consider these encounters an added bonus to being at Walt Disney World, sailing on a Disney cruise ship, etc.  We met a delightful family from Ireland on our last Disney cruise, we once enjoyed dinner conversation with a couple from Great Britain and their adorable daughter at Boma, and we even had a bunch of fun with some Brazilian teens at our resort pool.  It’s a small world after all, heh?

So, we are a family looking for fun and happy times, to be sure.  Sadly, there are…well…other types of vacationers.  These are the folks who make our happy Disney travels less than magical.  You know who I’m talking about.  You have felt my pain.  So…I’ve been thinking.  What if those others wanted to be annoying on purpose?  What if there are people out there who genuinely need to know?  Know what, you ask?  KNOW how to be rotten, rude, disrespectful, annoying – a proverbial fly in the ointment – while at Walt Disney World.  Do you want to know how to be irritating on a Disney vacation?  Okay…I’ll tell you, but it ain’t pretty – it takes grit, stamina and really bad manners.  Up for it?  Alrighty then, but don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Five Best Ways to be Irritating at Walt Disney World

1.  Use any wheeled vehicle at your disposal to plow a path through the crowds.  Strollers are especially perfect for this as it seems to both entertain the youngster(s) riding in the stroller while teaching them the correct way to execute crowd-parting maneuvers, thus ensuring the next generation of Disney travelers is brought up with the right skillset.  Be sure to avoid eye contact with any and all collision victims and never ever say you’re sorry.

2. Yell!  There are two techniques proven especially successful for optimizing the annoyance factor of hollering.

First method:  Yell in close spaces as a group.  Cheers, chants, songs – use whatever you’ve got at your disposal.  Synchronized yelling by a large group is amazingly irritating to other vacationers – Bonus points for doing this in a bus, monorail, or other tightly-packed enclosed area.

Second method: Yell at your family members.  That’s right!  If you want to make others uncomfortable, nothing beats belittling, humiliating, and embarrassing your spouse, child, sibling, or other member of your traveling party with an obscenity-laced public tongue lashing.  Guaranteed to ruin not only your own vacation – it will also make many, many others around you nearly just as unhappy as you are when they find themselves captive witnesses to your drama.

3. Be Trashy!  When it’s super crowded, this is SO incredibly rude!  I will guarantee you get a bunch of sneers, glares, and dirty looks.  Here’s the technique:  Choose a popular counter service restaurant – make sure there are plenty of trash receptacles clearly visible around the seating area.  Enjoy your meal and…..leave.  Yes!  It’s that simple (diabolical, really in it’s simplicity).  Make sure every paper plate, cup, and napkin – along with the trays used to carry food to the table are left behind, strewn all over the table-top, chair seats, and floor.  That’s it.  Easy-Peasy.  Just walk away.  Be sure to wave on the way out to all the folks carrying their full trays looking for a clean place to sit down and eat.  Now that’s irritating.

4. You’re on vacation – that means you can take a vacation from parenting!  Yes, just go right on ahead and assume that all the other people around you (who have also paid thousands of dollars for their Disney vacations) will adore and tolerate your offspring’s rude behavior as much as you do.  A few tips:  In long lines for popular attractions, go ahead and let your kids touch the people in front of them as much as they want to – especially those strangers’ posteriors.  For some reason, this just makes people so angry!  Also – any partition along a ride queue makes a great jungle-gym type climbing apparatus to entertain your kiddos while you play on your smartphone.  If your kid wants to run his hands along every single inch of those partitions – especially where other guests already have their hands, all the better!  Finally, don’t forget to let those kiddos stay up way past their bedtimes…they can have a great time yelling (see #2) and running up and down the hallways at the resort!

Believe it or not, there are actually a bunch of people at Disney World who are there without children!  Even more shocking?  Some people don’t even really like kids.  THOSE are the ones to focus your efforts towards.  Don’t carry snacks, drinks, or toys with you so when a meltdown happens, you can appear to be both surprised and unprepared.  Remember, you are on vacation – you shouldn’t have to watch your children or expect them to behave.  Let somebody else worry about that.

5. Show up at the last minute for all parades and nighttime shows.  People who arrive early to get a perfect viewing spot are misinformed time-wasters! Keep riding rides until right before the action starts then pick the nicest looking family you can find and slowly, stealthily, shove your way into their little space.  I mean, you paid the same price to get into the park as they did, right?  You deserve to see just as well as they can.  Best tip for really making an impression?  Gradually squeeze your children into what may at first appear to be a non-existent space between the people who were there first and any barricade at the front of the action.  Your children are shorter – g’head, just squeeze ’em on in there, front and center!  Let that other family keep an eye on ’em for you while the show’s going on.  They’re nice folks, they probably won’t mind.

BONUS:  As a family – always stop right in the very middle of crowded walkways to discuss important topics like:  Are we getting sunburned?  Is anyone hungry?  What do we want to do now?

Okay?  You get the idea now, right?  I could easily come up with more tips for you, but until you’ve mastered these five, you can’t have any more.  So get on out there and be rude, annoying, and just plain horrible.  You can do it!

Well, how’d I do?  What rotten park behavior did I miss?  What bugs you the most?