Disclaimer:  I’m joking.  This post is for entertainment purposes only and should in no way be misinterpreted as containing advice I’d actually like you to take.  This information is directed at the rude, uncouth, coarse, and inconsiderate among the general population – none of those people read this blog.

Many of you will remember this post where I helped readers here at Living a Disney Life learn how to be irritating at Walt Disney World.  So well received and, based on my last couple of visits to the World, well heeded.  You were listening and you are beasts at being annoying!  So proud of you.  You deserve a little something special.  After mastering the first set of annoyances, I will unlock for you the next steps necessary for you to master the program and reach your full irritation potential!  Today I give to you…

5 MORE Ways to be Irritating at WDW

1.  Sit in the Middle.  You won’t be sorry!  It is SO annoying!  Have your camera ready to capture the wide variety of dirty looks you will receive.  After those Cast Members in Mickey’s PhilharMagic (or any and all other movies and shows) tell you to move all the way to the end of the row before sitting down, stop in the middle – the best seats are right there and you paid the same as everyone else to be there.  You deserve the best seats in the house!  If anyone dares to say something to you or suggest that you get up and move, respond with complete silence.  Pretend you don’t speak English!  Sitting in the middle of ride queues, on railings, on stairs…it’s all good.  And irritating.  Do it!

2. Feed the Birds.  I’ll let you in on a little secret – the birds at Walt Disney World are no where near aggressive enough!  The really – I’m talking seriously dangerous – aggressive birds are at Sea World.  Those winged devils will dive-bomb your head and smash into you to make you drop the fish you just paid a fortune for (not for you to eat, but to feed to the sea critters) and then they’ll actually laugh as they gobble your expensive fish up off the ground.  Disney birds are tame!  They love people and merely want to make friends – Like Snow White and her band of helpful woodland creatures, go ahead and be buddies with your new feathered friends.  Especially in Epcot’s Mexico pavilion at the Cantina de San Angel…those birds are the best!

3. Get that Perfect Picture – No Matter What!  Everyone understands how crucial your Disney vacation photos are and you’ve paid big bucks to be here – make the most of it!  Line your little ones up for that perfect shot in front of Cinderella Castle – who cares if it’s in the middle of the walkway or how long it takes – everyone else will either stop or go around.  No worries!  These are your vacation pictures!  Make sure every single person in your party of 15 gets an individual photo with every character!

4. Never EVER Walk in a Straight Line.  You are on vacation!  Mosey, meander, zig, zag, and don’t neglect the ever-important diagonal walking!  Didn’t they tell you to pay close attention to all those Disney details?  While you’re getting from points A to B, look up, look right and left – for sure, look down at your cell phone – that My Disney Experience app needs your attention!  At all times.

5. Personal Space?  Nah!  Look around you – Disney World is one über-crowded place full of happy people having fun!  This is not the time or the place to worry about getting too close to your neighbor.  If you leave too much space between you and another guest, someone else might slip in there and cut in line!  Go ahead, we’re all friends in a Disney park, move on in there and aggressively guard your place in every queue.  Or for parade viewing. Or during a character meet-and-greet.  ‘S okay!  ‘Cause I said so.

Bonus suggestion:  You’re going to be hot and sweaty at Walt Disney World during most months of the year.  Here’s a great way to save time and money while being incredibly irritating at the same time – forego personal hygiene until you get home!  (Oh, and don’t forget #5!)