Remember a while back (if you’re new here, just follow the link to catch up) when I gave a tutorial on the Five Best Ways to be Irritating at Walt Disney World?  Well – those were my tips for how you can ruin OTHER people’s vacations.  Today I’m going to share with you my tips on how you can ruin your own Disney vacation.  I want you to be aware of every possibility…an informed consumer, if you will.  Ready?  Here goes:

Five Ways to Ruin Your Own Disney Vacation:

1. Don’t plan – Don’t do any research.  Guide books and travel websites are for geeks.  If you book a room at Walt Disney World for a week and you just show up hoping for the best, here’s what you’ll get:  Lost, for one thing – which could be an adventure all on its own.  If you don’t at least look at a park map now and again, you’ll get to spend a good bit of your vacation time wandering.  You’ll also get to wait in line – a lot and for long periods of time – hey, that’s okay, right?  Disney’s done wonders with ride queues – embrace the experience.  Booking FastPass+ choices 60 days ahead of time would be ridiculous, right?  I mean who knows what rides and attractions will look good that far out?  You’ll also eat a lot of fast food or “counter service” they call it.  You wouldn’t want to sit down and enjoy a nice meal anyway – that would take booking a dining reservation as much as 180 days in advance at the really popular places – absolutely against the grain for non-planners.  Don’t do it.

2. Plan too much – Indeed, to really wreck a week at Walt Disney World, you should plan every minute.  Exhaustive research will pay off for you – you’ll have every second planned to ensure every single ride and attraction is strategically covered in “The Plan”.  Rope drop, extra magic hours, FastPass+ selections, utilize all the special perks of staying on property and keep going for 16-18 hours a day!  Smart phone ever at the ready, move your family along in military fashion for the entire duration of your stay.  Heaven forbid anything like bad weather or a ride break-down interfere.  They may not appreciate it at the time, but your family will surely thank you later, right?  They’ll really be looking forward to coming back…someday….maybe.

3. Constantly think ahead – this goes right along with the over-planning.  Do NOT allow yourself to be in the moment – do not stop and enjoy the little details…heck, just ignore those!  Don’t relax – there’s entirely too much to worry about!  Tired?  Aching feet?  Man up, soldier!  You’re spending thousands of dollars here – it’s mission critical for you to obsess over what will happen next.  Use those phone apps constantly to check everything from the weather to current attraction wait times.  Smelling the roses is for sissies!

4. Cling to unrealistic expectations – Those Disney commercials on TV?  Expect your children to act just like that!  Faces aglow with awe, smiles every waking moment – wonder and amazement and appreciation overflowing!  You should expect exactly that!  They will be model citizens, there will be no whining or crying or meltdowns.  They certainly would never ever have the nerve to ask, “When are we going back to the hotel to go swimming?”  Swimming?  You’re in the Magic Kingdom!  Why would anyone want to go swimming?

5. Bring on Buyer’s Remorse – If you are committed to this endeavor and absolutely want to ruin your trip, don’t look at the cost of anything at Walt Disney World before you arrive.  For sure, don’t check out any menu prices – ’cause that would ruin the surprise!  Be sure to shop for some souvenirs, drop by those convenient and numerous bars for adult beverages, and snack away – simply wave those MagicBands and worry about the consequences later!

All set?  Now, let’s get out there and have some fun!!!  Please, do let me know how it goes when you get back.