Polynesian Village Bora Bora Bungle-Oh’s

Polynesian-Great-Ceremonial-House-SignDon’t fret!  This post is not a negative one about the new DVC accommodations at the Polynesian Village Resort (aka the Poly).  I just needed a snappy title.  The Disney fan world is all a Twitter (see what I did there?) about what the pricing will be for the water-front Bora Bora Bungalows.  It’s going to be steep!  Like way out of my price-range.  Sounds like, in order to stay in a Bungalow, you need to be rich.  I’m talking Arabian-prince-oil-tycoon-old-money rich.  Not going to lie – when my ship comes in, if it’s not a garbage barge, I would want to stay in one of those Bora Bora Bungalows…but….

To justify the price, I’d need certain, shall we say, ancillary perks to actually make me feel The-Fam-Polynesian-Vacationlike I was getting my money’s worth.  See, according to what I’ve heard, staying a single night in one of these enormous (1650 square feet including deck) luxury, over-the-water buildings will cost me between $2100 and $3000 depending on when I travel.  That’s right – I said ONE NIGHT will cost me thousands of dollars!  I like the Poly well enough – love the history, the ambiance, the restaurants, that it’s original and on the monorail loop, but let’s be completely serious – I’m not even remotely interested in staying in a “room” at Walt Disney World for thousands of dollars a night…unless…

Here are the FIVE things I’d have to have in a Bora Bora Bungalow at the Polynesian to pay the going rate:

1.  A Butler – Okay, maybe not a butler 100% of the time, but when I’m in my thousands-of-dollars-a-night place, I want someone at my beck and call that will take care of any unpacking, cleaning up, clothes pressing, laundry needs – anything I may want at any time.

2. Concierge Service that would get me ADRs (Advance Dining Reservations), FP+ (FastPass+) bookings, tickets to Cirque de Soleil La Nouba (or any other show in the Orlando area), help me with transportation, medical emergencies, etc.

3. The “Plunge Pool” had better be full of miracle water – It’s called a “plunge pool”, not a hot tub.  I’m paying a fortune to stay in a room that sleeps up to eight – we’d all better fit comfortably with no awkward invasion of personal space in these oddly-named, under-detailed containers-of-water or I’m going to be irked.  When I exit said pool, I want to feel refreshed while looking both younger, taller, and thinner.

4. Massage Chair with Foot Massage – I want the latest technology.  I want to be able to recline RM-Mickey-Pretzelin a massage chair while soaking my aching feet in a warm, soothing foot-bath that also massages my feet.  When I get up, I want to be re-energized and rejuvenated – completely ready for the next day’s adventures.

5. Food!  At that price, I ought to be entitled to all-I-care-to-eat room service when I’m enjoying the comfort of my room.  I also feel a fully stocked mini/snack bar is in order (for no additional charge).  I’m paying for a front row seat to Wishes across the lagoon and I want whatever snacks, beverages, and desserts I choose…delivered to me by my butler.

Will you pay the price to stay in the new Bora Bora Bungalows?  What would you want for the cost?